To Better Myself

I've been browsing my list, occasionally adding a few things. I'm trying to decide where to begin. Some things aren't necessarily measurable, but constant. Things such as not being in debt, paying tithing, getting a second job, and finishing the Book of Mormon. So, of course I slowly need to start those things first. Then, I think that eventually the other things will fall into place more easily. Especially since with a second job and no debt i'll be able to pay for what I need for the other things on my list! haha, i know i'm kind of crazy. Hopefully, all goes well.

I'll keep you updated.


The Look in His Eyes

Do you ever look into someones eyes, and you know that you've either inspired them, or you made them proud?
My roommates; Samantha and Anna, and I went to the gym tonight. As they were doing there thing I did my thirty minutes on the treadmill. Walk four minutes, run two minutes. It was brutal! My legs burned and my lungs ached and my breathing was labored and uneven. I could see worry on the faces of my roommates but I knew I was fine, so they would have to deal with it. I pushed myself, and pushed myself and I almost gave up, quite a few times actually. But I did it! I made it, thirty whole minutes. I didn't even die! Haha.
As I get off the treadmill, and I go to stretch. There was a guy, he'd been there the whole time. Never seen him before in my life. Don't know his name, don't know anything about him. But when I walked by him he looked up at me, and as he gave me a high five he said to me, "Good job!"
I saw it in his eyes. He was proud. He'd seen how far I pushed myself. He'd seen my inner struggle of whether or not to give up. And he watched me smile as the timer said thirty minutes and I completed my run. And he was impressed. Seeing that look in his eye was inspiring to me. If someone I've never even met could see all that, in a measly half hour run and be proud. Why couldn't I be proud of myself?
My whole life i've struggled with my self-esteem. With my will power to start things, and to finish them. I've struggled with the knowledge that I Can Do It! But not anymore. It's going to be hard, and that struggle will never go away. But i'm going to conquer it.
If for no other reason than the look in that man's eyes, i'm very glad that I went to the gym tonight.


Whistle while you work!

So bored all day at work. So scared they're going to fire me. Then when they pull me aside they're telling me how good i'm doing and to keep it up! Yess!

I'm looking for another job though. It will be sad because I will miss my roomies and probably a lot of church activities but money is money. And money I need.

Wish me luck!




Okay, so I stole that from T-pain. He won't mind.
So last night I had some serious thinking time. Which, in the past has been quite dangerous for me. But I think this one did me some good. I need to turn my life around. In so many ways i'm headed down the wrong path. I don't know if you've read my post Inside of Me. The song that I recently wrote about this same topic. I want to..strike that...need to do this. I need to do it for me. Not anyone else but me. So many people, including my mother, grandmother, and one of my best friends, tell me every day that I need to do better. I know this. I just wasn't sure I was ready to. Well, I decided about an hour ago, I really think I'm ready. I just got off the phone with Bishop Jones and I'm meeting with him this Sunday, October the 19th. As short of a phone call as it was, it wasn't easy. But I did it, I'm doing it.
I've had a great day today. I did hang out with some bad influences. I love my friends and I hope that it doesn't come to a point where I have to stop seeing them. They love me enough that even though they aren't headed down the same path, they will support me. And I'm glad, lucky and ever so grateful that I have these friends.
My post, Turning a New Leaf, may have been a bit pre-mature for me at the time. But I am definitely serious about this one. Last night, while I was in my 'thinking spot'. (that's a disney reference for my Mom) I was afraid that I would wake up this morning and feel differently. But I didn't. Not even a little bit. Which is rare...but also very good.
Do you ever make a decision one day and the next day say..."eh, I was just joking." Well I do that a lot. In everything. But this time I didn't. Hopefully this time it will last.
I would love to help out the missionaries as much as I did in Summer of 2007. But I just can't. As much as I love them, and I love missionary work I need to help myself now. I know they will understand...after all, they are the most understanding and forgiving people I have ever met. And I don't just mean the Sacramento missionaries. Althought they will always have a special place in my heart. I know and have met missionaries everywhere i've been. Two missions in Colorado, a few here in Utah, Las Vegas, New York, Argentina, Brazil, Guatemala, Australia, even Japan. I've met people who have served, are serving, and will serve in all these places. And I can't help but love them. Occasionally I still feel that I will join them one day for my own full-time mission. But right now, the most important thing is that I get myself back up on my feet, on the right track, and figure out what i'm really supposed to do and where i'm really supposed to go.
I have asked myself a time or two, why? Why am I in Utah? Why did I go to Colorado? Why did I lose my job? Why do I do the things I do? Haha, some of my closest friends have told me that I'm here in Utah because "Jeff comes home soon." Haha, as much as I like the kid, he doesn't like me. And i'm okay with that. Hopefully he'll be one of my really good friends for a long time to come. I would hate to lose him. But no matter what I think and why my friends tell me i'm here, I need to start asking myself what, not why? Not, why am I in Utah, but what am I going to do now that i'm here. Not why do I do the things I do, but what am I going to do to change that and how i'm going to do it.
It all starts now. I'm going to meet with the Bishop, go to church, read the scriptures, and I'm really going to try to pray. I wish I could say that I will pray, but as much as I want that to be true I don't want to lie to myself or you about it. And I defenitely don't want to lie to my Heavenly Father about something so sacred and special.
I still have a Testimony. But the flame is slowly going out. The more I cuss, and swear, and do and say all the things I do and say its just going to get smaller and smaller until it is finally gone. And that, above all other things, is something that I cannot lose. If I lose another job or lose another friend or lose anything else in my life, it will not be my testimony. I love it too much. It is something I cherish so deeply. When someone asks, "if you were stranded on a desert island and could only take one thing with you what would it be?" I would always hope that I could take my testimony. That's all we need. The knowledge of, not just the Gospel of Jesus Christ, but the love that He and our Heavenly Father has for us. That means more to me than anything ever could.
Maybe that's why i'm so happy today. Is because although i've lost so much and I sometimes feel like I have nothing, I will always have that knowledge.
I've baptized a couple of friends who have also lost sight of that. But Elder Abeyta, Marchant, Hixson, Leatham, Hill, Barsdorf, Dipo, Halibuk, Rasmussen, Bushman, Barron, Grigg, Pond, Harrington, Chavez, Bird, Edge, Fuimaono, Stirland, Malley, Vincent, Sorenson, England, Williams, Gregory, Smith, Woodward, Sister Tilby, Fuapau, Street, Chapman, Fudge, Jason, Laurie, Pat, Nikki, my mom, my sister, they were all right. I helped give them something that they will always have. And as much as I'd love for them to see that now. They may not. It's their choice just like its mine. All I can do is love them and pray for them everyday. They felt it once and I know from experience that you can't deny something like that. It's impossible I know i've tried.
I guess through all of the babbling I guess what I'm trying to say is that I know the church is true more than i've ever known anything. It is the most precious gift my parents, and grandparents and so on could have ever given me. And I'm ready to live my life the way I need to, the way I want to. The way Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father want me to. This is my testimony and may it grow and hopefully help touch the lives of others as it is His will. I love Jesus Christ and my Heavenly Father so much and its about time I showed it.


I'm a total DORK!

It's supposed to snow on saturday! Yessss! Love it sooo much! I cannot wait! Love Christmas more than life itself. LOVE IT! Okay...my dorkness is over.

No wait, wait...LOVE IT!

Okay, now i'm done.


New Job

Hey guys! Just wanted to give you a quick update.  I had another interview today. It was at a call center right here in my complex called Feature Films for Families...basically, its clean flix.  I start on Monday! Yay! It'll be outgoing calls which is kind of a drag but I practically don't have to even speak.  I just push a button for whatever I want to say and the computer does it for me.  It's 9 dollars to start and at the end of the month I have an evaluation.  If I pass I move up to ten.  Every three months is another eval and possibly a one dollar raise every time.  I have a friend who used to work there.  He was making 15 when he quit! Oh the possibilities.

It's not exactly ideal but there are a lot of perks, the pay is obviously one of them.  Also, its in the complex like I said.  So I don't have to drive anywhere and have plenty of time for lunch at home so I don't have to pack anything.  This will save me a lot of money on gas and fast food...which I shouldn't be eating anyway.  

Sorry its short. Just wanted to let everyone know how i'm doing.  I love you all and thanks for the support.



Inside of Me

I don't know what I'm doing.
And I don't know how to quit.
But I know what I want, and I'll do what I can.
I just don't know where to begin.

To get the faith that I need.
To hold out and succeed.
To get the faith that I know is inside of me.

I want to grow up, and I need to move on.
And I want to do what I was taught to.

To get the faith that I need
To hold out and succeed
To get the faith that I know is inside of me

You see I've always known where I'm going
I guess I must've lost sight along the way
Now I open my eyes, it's time to say our goodbyes
Because I'm back on the road heading the right way.

Peace be unto thy soul, you will triumph over all your foes.

To get the faith that I need
To hold out and succeed
To get the faith that I know is inside of me

:These are the lyrics to my new song Inside of Me. So far it is my favorite. I like that it is a little more rounded, and better for more than just those that have the Gospel, to relate to. It talks about the struggles I'm going through and how I want to get back to where I was just last summer. And that is a struggle in itself. I hope to get it recorded and to you soon. The lyrics are powerful but the music makes it so much prettier. I want you all to know that I am grateful for your support and I love you all. If you want a copy of this once I get it recorded just let me know and I'll see what I can do.


Turning a New Leaf

As most of you probably don't know i've been struggling a lot lately. I lost my job. I miss home. My roommates and I aren't getting along too incredibly well. I haven't been going to church. A whole heck of a lot.

The other day I was talking with my roommate Samantha about...what else...boys. We were discussing what we wanted out of guys and how it shouldn't seem too difficult, but we really are very confusing. The thing I kept coming back to was Temple Marraige. And that made me think, of course, of all the things that come with that but more importantly, lead up to it. None of which I was doing. I realized just then what I was doing to myself and my dreams by being stupid now.

Yesterday I started writing another song called Inside of Me. It talks about getting back the Faith and the Testimony that I once had. It tells how I want all these wonderful things that we are promised by living His commandments, but how I don't exactly know how to get back on the Straight and Narrow. Writing some of these words made me realize even more of what I am missing out on.

Ever since I was sealed to my family in the Salt Lake Temple I've wanted this. And I guess I just lost sight of that. I want to get back so badly I just don't know what steps to take. Where to begin. Who to turn to. Then I found a scripture that a missionary once gave me, D&C 121:7-8 part of which says, "Thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment." It made me think of Joseph Smith. All the things he went through and dealt with. Those things being very similar to a lot of what Jesus Christ also went through. The faith and the courage that they both had to do everything that they did for us. It is incredible. It is something I only wish that I could have.

I thought about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. About Joseph in the Sacred Grove. How they both knelt and prayed to Heavenly Father in their time of need. Two of the most important prayers ever spoken. The rest of which are the ones we say everyday. Thanking our Heavenly Father and going to him in our times of need. The ones that I haven't said in a very long time. I decided that I would do as they did and turn to Heavenly Father for help. I will start with my Bishop. I will tell him what i've done, what I want, and what I'm willing to do to get it, which is everything I know that I must do. Everything that I promised, on my baptism day, that I would do. Everything that they did, and that is first to have the Faith.

It will not be easy. I know this, i've lived it. But if I truly want for myself what my Father in Heaven wants for me. Then I know what I must do.

I ask for your prayers as I turn my eyes up towards the Tree of Life. As I once again try to find the Iron Rod. As I look for "the faith that I need."

This is the beginning. And if I do that which He hath commanded. I know that it will not be the end.


How Its Been

Sorry its been so long. I guess that's what happens when you get busy. Well, I've been in my apartment 'officially' for about two weeks. Its been great. A little hectic but over all absolutely fantastic.
We've been meeting a lot of people just...randomly. At the pool, or we'll go for walks, or someone just knocks on the wrong door. Its actually pretty great.
I haven't been to the ward yet...next week I promise!
Work has been great. I am switching departments though so that I still have a job in the off season. My schedule will be 11am to 8pm...this is good. It will allow me to get to bed at a decent time....(or have more time to chill with my new friends).
Basically, my roommates are amazing. There are two that none of us really know. And i'm afraid that we may not get to know them very well. If they are ever here they are always just shut away in their bedroom. We've been trying to get them to come out and hang out with us. We'll break the shell eventually.
I'm not sure what else I can tell you at this time. Just trying to get in a quick update.
I miss you all. Please keep in touch.


Ah, the Memories!

Homeslice needs more comments...even though maybe 2 people read my blog.

1. As a comment on my blog, leave one memory that you and I had together. It doesn't matter if you knew me a little or a lot, anything you remember!

2. Next, re-post these instructions on your blog and see how many people leave a memory about you. It's actually pretty funny to see the responses. If you leave a memory about me, I'll assume you're playing the game and I'll come to your blog and leave one about you. If you don't want to play on your blog, or if you don't have a blog, I'll leave my memory of you in my comments.


"Find the Good in Everything"

Being poor has its perks I'm sure. I just don't know what they are yet. I'm trying to live by the phrase, "find the good in everything." So far though, I don't think I'm doing too well. I was having so much fun...and I'm still having fun but, I think I've somehow driven myself into this mental "ditch". I didn't even see it there. And I don't know how to get out of it. I want to ask some people for help. I'm not afraid they'll say "no". Actually, I can pretty much guarantee that they will all say "yes". But then, I'm going to have to accept their help. That's the hard part, for me at least.
I think that I'm pulling back into my shell. That is not a good place to be. Let me re-phrase, that is the worst place to be. I've made a pretty good friend, but I can already tell that she's getting annoyed because I'm building that wall back up. Somebody please, knock it down! Then call off construction because I am absolutely sick of doing this to myself. Except I don't know how to stop anymore. I've been living in this pattern for so long it's become an addiction. And I can only go so long without a fix. I need intervention but I don't know who or where to get it from! And I honestly don't know if anyone cares about me enough to do so.
No, its not a pity party. I'm being serious. If it were a drug or something they would totally intervene and help me out. But this, I just annoy people with it and they don't want to be around me at all. And, "out of sight, out of mind". That's pretty much how I exist in this world. If you're not around me chances are you are not thinking about me. And I'm okay with that but, I just want that person. That one friend who calls me first. Who invites me out to lunch because they missed me. For 20 years and 362 days I haven't ever had one of those. I'd like to think that I've been waiting patiently. Well, is it my turn yet?
I'm trying to "find the good in everything", I'm just not very good at it yet.



I have two jobs...or so I thought. I haven't been working at Sears like, at all. I keep trying to get ahold of my manager there but if I call she's never available and when I go in she's never there. I don't know what exactly I should do. I guess I'll just keep going in for my computer training and catch her when I can. I don't want to quit. I like it there...so far. And no matter how many hours I get at APX I still need the Sears job too. I'm not sure what to do. My hope was that I'd be working 9 to 5 at Sears and then my 630pm to 1230 at APX. So far the only one that's pulling through is APX. And some really good news about that, next Saturday is an opportunity for some major overtime! Some people are trying to work from open to close that Saturday. That means 6am to 2am. I am definitely one of those people. Time and a half is my favorite! That's $15 an hour for 12 hours of work! I will take any and all hours that I can get at APX. I don't want to completely shut out Sears. I want to work there too. But $15 an hour! You can't beat that. I'm leaving in just a few, today. I want to go get some hours in at Sears. It'll just be computer training. But maybe i'll get lucky and Heather will be there so that I can talk to her about a schedule. Maybe I'll be able to go in tomorrow from 9 to 5. And then I'll do my normal shift at APX. It'll be one Grand Full Work Day! That's exactly what i'm looking for. Then I can go in Friday from 9 to 5 also. And Saturday from 5 to 9. Since my Saturday shift at APX is from 830am to 300pm. And then I can work a full shift on Sunday. And be back to my 9 to 5 everyday next week! I really hope that Heather is there today! I really really need these hours. I didn't apply so that I could get one $10 check and then be done. I applied so that I can work. I need to be able to work. I really need those paychecks.


I Screwed Up!!

Ugh...I've been doing so fricken well with my training and taking calls and everything and today....I SCREWED UP BIG TIME! I was on a tech call and like an idiot...I forgot to take the payment! So basically I hooked up the person because they didn't make their first payment...but I screwed the Rep because now they are losing extra points cause I had to set it up on Direct Invoice. Ach Mi Laben!


Employment and car troubles often go hand in hand.

At least for me they do. And all I can think is, "at least now I have a job so that I can fix the car troubles." Optimism is key.
So, I got both of the jobs that I wanted. The shifts didn't exactly work out the way that I planned but one step at a time. I started Sears today. I start APX on Tuesday. I'm going to be working at Sears in the morning shifts and then at APX from 6:15 pm to midnight. At least its not till 2 am right? You see, optimism.
I'm actually really excited. My training for both jobs is this coming week. Sears I can pretty much go in whenever just for my computer training and just keep going until it is finished and I start on the floor on Friday. APX, I have training Tuesday through Thursday from 11 am to 7 pm. And then I'm on the phones on Saturday from 8:30 am until 3pm. So I have a busy week ahead of me. Well here's some more good news. Maybe I will be tired enough to fall asleep before 4 am....or at all!

* * * * *

Today I went on this hike with Hailey this morning. We left at about 9:30 am. We hiked up to the G on the mountain. That is for Pleasant Grove High School. The hike was actually really difficult. Very steep. So its good that it was pretty short. It took us about two hours round trip, but that is only because I am friggin SLOW! But hey, I made it. And it was fun. We're going to try to do that twice a week. That'll be a good work out huh? Hopefully it really shrink my bottom...hehe. That is what I'm hoping for anyhow.

Well, more next time.


Feeling GREAT!!! - With no particular reason in mind.

This last week has been the best, in a really long time. I can't pin point what happened over the weekend to make me feel so optimistic, but I don't care. I feel liberated and the one thing that I want more than anything else in the world, is for the feeling to last forever. Now I'm twenty years old, I'm not ancient or anything, but I've lived plenty long enough to know that I should just enjoy it while it lasts. But I really don't think that I've ever felt this way before.
Along with my optimistic and all too fantastic week I've made some, quite possibly life altering, decisions. First, I completely forgot how much I love history. I haven't taken a history class since ninth grade but I love it. So I've decided that after my mission I definitely want to go to school for history. As much as I loved it in Virginia I think I would like to try and get accepted to BYU. I know that I will have to retake the ACT test and do some MAJOR studying in order to get an acceptable score. And I will probably have to take some summer or online courses before they accept me as a full-time student. I would like to try and get a dance or softball scholarship of some sorts also, to help me pay for the outlandishly priced tuition they charge. So i'll definitely have to work on that too. Visit the batting cages, take some classes and do my own practicing in my free time.
Second, I love running. While i'm no good at it and I can't really run for more than thirty seconds at a time, I absolutely positively love running. So i'm going to start. I'm doing a ten week "become a runner" training, that should have me running for thirty minutes by the end. I'm so ridiculously excited for it. The training begins with eight days of walking and I started today, and I feel great!
Third, I really need to buckle down. I believe that I will very soon, be working two jobs. I need it and I am capable of it. Both are jobs that I know I will love so that part is easy. But I really need to 'work' on my work ethic. I am generally a very lazy person, so two jobs is going to be exhausting. But I need the money, and we all know that I need the kick in the pants. My hope is that APX will give me a full-time job with a steady schedule, and that I can work at Sears on the nights and weekends. I have confidence that APX will hire me for their call center, I just don't know how the schedule thing will work out. But I'm praying about all of it.
All of this liberation and planning and what not, is going to be overwhelming for sure. But I know that if I can keep a good attitude and I turn to the Lord, I will do great.


Job Hunt

So far its been going really well, aside from the fact that I still don't have a job. But i've gotten more interviews than I ever wouldn've gotten in Stockton! I had an interview today and it went REALLY WELL. I have a second interview on Tuesday. I also have an interview for another job on Tuesday! I'm still going throught the classifieds and doing applications on line and i'm compliling a list of places that take paper applications and i'll be going to those places on Monday.
Whew! It's a lot of work but it's got to get done. I'm crossing my fingers! I need work!


About me

The only person that I have always loved is my mom. But once I love someone I will never stop. I will think about them often. I will never want to lose touch with them. I will fight for them in all things, even if they’re wrong. I will stand by them. I will stand up for them. I will take a bullet for them. Each and every person that I love, I love enough to die for them.

My friends are everything to me. They are my lifeline. I want to be with them often. I want to talk to them. Everything I do or say is soaked with thoughts of them. Anything can and will remind me of them. No matter how long we may have been separated I think of them. I have many friends that I desperately wish to be reacquainted with.

I am very nostalgic. I remember silly little things that nobody else does. I love remember when’s and walks down memory lane. I hardly remember the bad times and I try to focus on the good. I can keep something so stupid and silly just because through some strange string of thought it reminds me of someone that I love.

I love movies. I will quote a movie way past its welcome. I can watch the same movie 3 times everyday for a month and not get tired of it. I like movies that nobody else has seen or heard of or will ever take the time to even consider watching. There are a lot of movies that I regret ever seeing but love them anyway, they are the ones I quote the most.

I am very forgetful but only when it’s important. You can tell me 8 times remind me 12 and even write me a little note but I will still forget. And I hate it that you keep reminding me.

I love having responsibility but I hate actually being responsible. I love it when people trust me but will crumble under the pressure.

I love boys. I will always choose boys over girls. I will always refer to them as boys and never as men. And when I’m around boys I will pretend like I know what I’m doing and what I’m talking about no matter how obvious it is that I have no clue. I always want to be better than the boys though we all know I never will. I love it when boys try to teach me things. I love trying to be “one of the guys” even though I’ll never make the cut. I love it when boys tease me. I love it when boys flirt with me. I love it when boys look out for me and stand up for me. I love it when boys compliment me. I love it when boys tell me that “I’m the man.” I love seeing boys get nervous. I love it when boys are honest. I love it when boys are shy. I love it when boys will do something for me simply because I asked them to. I love it when boys use alternative ways to tell me something they shouldn’t tell me. I love it when boys come to me for advice. I love it when boys give me advice. I love it when boys call me back. I love it when boys call me first. I love it when boys admit that something reminded them of me. I love it when boys give me nicknames, no matter how lame they may be. I love it when boys accept the nicknames that I give them. I love it when boys will call me just to say “Hi.” Every boy that I know, I have considered dating. Every boy that I am still friends with is no longer on my dating list. But every boy has the opportunity to get back on that list. If I call a boy once or twice I’m interested in him. If I call him more than that I just want to be friends. If I don’t call him it’s because I’m talking to a different boy. If I ignore his phone calls it’s because I’m talking to a girl about him.

If I don’t answer my phone, it’s because I don’t have it within reach of me. If I don’t call you back it’s because I forgot. If I don’t text you back it’s because I have nothing clever to say. If I don’t text you in the first place it’s because I’m busy.

If I ask you for help I really need it. If I offer you help it’s because I really need it.

I hate it when people assume that I have ulterior motives. I hate it when people tell me I can’t do something. I hate it when people tell me I should do something. I hate it when people compare me to others. I hate it when people think I’m lying. I hate it when people tell me I’m wrong. I hate it when I am wrong. I hate it when I’m right and people won’t believe me. I hate it when people dismiss my ideas without even considering them. I hate it when people ask me for my ideas then tell me that they are stupid.

I hate it when people tell me that I can’t do something just because I’m a girl. I also hate it when people expect me to do something or be a certain way just because I’m a girl.

I hate it when people tell me they will do something and then don’t follow through. I hate it when people ignore me because they know I want them to do something. I hate it when people think that I’m annoying when I’m trying to get something important taken care of.

I hate it when I tell a joke and people think I’m stupid. I hate it when people keep bringing it up when they don’t know why I said it in the first place. I hate it when people think I don’t understand because “I’m too young.” I hate it when people tell me “it’s an inside joke“, obviously it’s an inside joke or I would be laughing too…that’s why I asked you, dufus.

I hate it when people call me to only talk about them. I hate it when people call me to only talk about me. I hate it when people call me to only talk about him. I wish we could just find a happy medium.

I hate it when people assume that they are smarter than me…you probably are…but you don’t have to act like it. It makes you look like a cocky bastard.


Another 10 hour drive

...sighs... Long story short i'm moving to Utah. It may not seem like it now but I really am excited. But 10 hours is a long time. And i'm sick of moving, i'm sick of packing and un-packing. It's probably one of the most annoying things on the planet that one could be doing. But i'm done now. It didn't take me very long...which is kind of surprising.
But change is difficult. I'm excited, and there are so many good things that could happen [crossy fingers, knock on wood, and all that]. But its still change. I was barely settling in and now I have to leave.
The worst part is...well actually, the worst part is not important. I'm excited and happy about the decision....but i'm still nervous.


Hurry up and wait! Wait...what?!!

That's exactly how I feel right now. I have to hurry up and make all my decisions. Then I get to sit here and wait for other people to make decisions that deeply affect me. And I need to know these things! Ugh, i'm trying to be patient but it's not something i'm very good at. And my situations are not making it any easier to learn patience. ....sighs.... I know its not supposed to be easy. But it would be nice.


Technically it was my chance....but it was barely even half a chance!

If you read it before I take it all back....i was just getting my anger out. He has very good points....by the time I can actually get him to tell me what they are! but I have points too...and he's just not listening to them.

and by the way....i hate it when people think that they know what i'm thinking. Don't EVER question my motives about ANYTHING. Because chances are, you are wrong. Nobody but me knows what i'm thinking. So don't pretend that you do.



I did it!!! I got another sale! Yay. Oh man it felt so good...I was having a pretty crappy day then I ran into one of my co-workers, Darin. "Lose the attitude girl!" I know exactly what he meant, so I did just that. The next door...BOOM! Excellent credit too! Which means "i got money in the bay-ank!" Oh sweet sister lizzy sing me a sweet song of joy!!! Yesss!!! Let's keep it up, shall we?

:i've never been this poor:


Since I got my first job at 14 years old, i have never been this poor. I was doing so well and then it all went down the drain. The thing is, I could get paid really well if I can just sell one a day. Just one, everyday. It's not that hard...unless you're me. I don't know what my problem is. I am trying, but i don't think that my manager believes that I am trying. And that is a bad thing. He needs to see production, obviously, in order to know that I am doing my job. ....sighs.... I really need to figure this out.


I don't do so well with this kind of thing.

I barely mentioned it in my previous blog. I suppose i'll explain it now. On Friday, May 9th we had a tragedy in our office. One of our technicians died on Friday morning. I don't know exactly what happened. He was drinking the night before and he went to sleep on the couch. Apparently he threw up while he was sleeping and he asparated...if that's the right way to spell it. His name was Micah Cronin. I didn't know him too well but, he was one of the only guys that was really very nice to me.
That morning was so hard. Of course I was crying because a friend died. But then I cried even harder because I felt like an idiot for crying. I didn't know him as well as anyone else and I didn't feel like I was allowed to cry for him. I was also crying for everyone in the office and for his family and friends. How must they feel for something like this to happen so suddenly. He wasn't a bad kid at all and alcohol took him.
Poor Cooper was an absolute wreck. He was already so stressed out. And then Jake went home because he felt guilty for what happened. Jake was so cool I can't believe that he went home. I can't believe that anything is happening the way it is.
Today I was talking to this lady who seemed really nice, and I totally had the sale....then she insulted me. I froze, I just couldn't believe someone could say something so horrible to another human being.
I'm so scatter brained right now. I keep trying to give people help and advice when really i'm the one who needs it.
Then I found out that a dear friend of mine has Polycystic Kidney Disease. She's in the early stages but this is a pretty serious disease that can cause Dialisis. She had already put off telling me for awhile so I'm glad she finally told me. But this was just...bad timing.
My Grandma is still doing pretty good but she keeps having more and more problems.
I just wish that there was something that I could do about it. I can't help anyone and I can't fix anything and its just making me mad.
I don't know what to do.


I'm doing it!

I'm actually selling. It feels great, by they way, to actually be pretty good at what you're doing.

I'm 15 on the Top First Year Reps list for the Region! That's out of 40 reps I think....well i'm tied with like...15 people but..still! My name is on the list! That's all i'm asking for. Now I just gotta be on the list for the whole company. And not just Top First Year Rep....TOP REP. I know I can do it....just gotta work at it. And I definitely plan on it.

If you're reading this you know how my day went. Micah was a sweet kid. We'll miss him. Our first half of the day tomorrow, all of our sales and installs, we are donating the money to a charity for Micah's family. I don't care if I sell the rest of the day but I at least want 2 for him. It's going to be tough but I know I can do it. Espacially for someone else. I'm better at doing things for other people, than I am at doing things for myself. It's a curse. But i'm working on it. Haha, not that its bad to help other people, but I do need to leard to help myself first.

Love ya!


Sabado Gigante!!! - Holy-hannah-long-day!

Okay, 9am to 9pm. That's a work day! I was out knocking longer than the missionaries today!!! Yes, I just said that. I got another one today. Again, just a sub but.....still. It's going in on monday....i'm pretty confident that they won't cancel but....crossy fingers!
Keep prayin for me!


YIPPEE SKIPPY - Two for tomorrow

Allright everybody...I got a sale today!!!! It was only a sub and I gave away all ten points but what the heck...I got a sale. I have two appointments for tomorrow too! Now Mark says that appointments are a waste of time, but Amy says she usually does well with appointments. Granted, I had an appointment today that DID NOT GO WELL!!! But i'm pretty confident that at least one of these will go through. Chris was pretty interested and he was telling me about his system with ADT that he no longer has monitored. He turned it off because of the monitoring cost so I was pretty confident in telling him what ours was (i.e. cheaper than theirs). That got him even more interested. So he asked me to come back tomorrow. I'll be there at 330. Then I talked to Suzie. She was totally interested but her husband wasn't home and she wanted to run it by him first. That kinda bummed me cause those never go well. I left her with my number and yadda-yadda. She wouldn't call back...except then I was on the way home and my phone rang and lo and behold...IT WAS SUZIE!!! She asked me to come by tomorrow and talk it over with her and her husband. So i'll be there at 5. Yessss!!!! Crossy fingers I get both!

Send me stuff - I like stuff!

4675 Alta Point 1925-E
Colorado Springs, CO 80918


First Day - Not Too Shabby

I don't know what else to say. But it went pretty well. I got into 4 houses but they were all just a waste of time. But over all, I do feel really good about how it went today. I think that is mainly because I know what I need to work on. Knowing is MORE than half the battle. If I went through the day like I did, and didn't know. It would be soooo absolutely frustrating and would not at all be helpful. It's good to know. And....good news my feet don't even hurt that bad. Either I picked some REALLY good shoes....or the pain is waiting for one grand entrance. In that case....can't wait!
Supa tired!
Peace out.


I MADE IT!!! - Whew, what a drive.

Okay everyone, i'm here and i'm safe. I was the first girl here and so far no one else yet....we'll see what happens.
If you want to write or send me stuff (I like stuff) my new address is:

4675 Alta Point Apt. 1925-E
Colorado Springs, Co 80918

Love ya!


Two states down, two more to go - I love Utah!!!

So I left around 6 am this morning and got here at about...6 pm. (technically 5 CA time). Pretty good timing huh? Yes, I took a picture of myself while driving...SUE ME!
It was a good drive...it didn't seem to take as long as I thought it was going to.

Everything went great. My car ran great. I got pretty good gas mileage too, even through Donner.

I'm just glad to be out of the car..for now.

I leave for CO on Saturday morning.

I'm not there yet...keep praying for me please!

* * * * *

:sighs: The Wasatch! I LOVE IT!!

Yes, I took a picture of a street sign. YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! I-215 is important to me!
I'm just so happy to be here...it'll be a sad day when I have to leave so soon.

Oh well, I can always come back another day!


Rockstar - I'm Writing Again

In the Summer of 2006, at Stockton Stake Young Women's Girls Camp, I wrote my first song. "In Memory." With the help of Nichole, Candice, Marissa and Janae we sang it when they announced the winner of that years Bryant Pittman Award. It was perfectly fitting since I wrote it about him. Right when we got home from camp we worked hard to get it recorded to hand out at the next Wednesday's Camp Awards Ceremony, where we performed it again.

The next year, also during Girls Camp, I wrote my second song. "More Than Nice." I was at home while my Mom and sister were at camp. This time, the song was written for the California Sacramento Missionaries. Focused a little on Stockton.

Since the first day that I wrote "More Than Nice" I knew it needed more than guitar. I wanted to add the drums to it. Ever since that time I've been trying to get together with Jeff so that he could lay down a track for it. Well last week it finally happened. Wednesday night at 5 o'clock we started jammin, and it sounds amazing.

We got together again tonight, this time Nichole tagged along, and Jeff's brother Scott played Bass. It sounds even better. We also messed around a little with "In Memory" and we are going to re-record that with the drums and bass as well. They both sound so good and got Nichole and me inspired to keep writing.

Well we sat down and worked for about 3 hours and we have our first verse and the beginnings of a chorus. It's going to take a lot of working together but so far it sounds great. And I know i'm going to love what Scott and Jeff can add to it.

I miss writing. And i'm really very glad that I get to do that again. Not only that, but I get to work with others to put together some fantastic music.

What i'm really trying to say is...I'm in a band! And that's really very exciting for me!


There's been too many - I'm done.

Yesterday afternoon, my grandma (Grammy) had a mini-stroke while she was having a check up at the doctor's office. She went immediately to the E.R. and later that night she was admitted into the hospital.
She has 60 - 70% blockage in her arteries. In order to fix it she may need surgery. Tomorrow she's going to have a stress test done and my Mom is a little worried. Which, in turn, makes me a little worried.
Apparently it's Grand-parents day at St. Joseph's. My cousin's Grandma also had a stroke recently and is in the hospital. She had a severe stroke and has a lot of weakness in her left side, and his having trouble talking. My cousin said that she could barely handle seeing her Grandma like that.
While Grammy is in better condition, I still don't like seeing her in the hospital. I broke down last night. I can't take it anymore.
My cous' is having trouble because she's basically never seen anyone in this type of condition. Everyone in her family has always been pretty healthy. For me, another person in the hospital is pretty much just another day. So I should be used to it right?
You never get used to something like this. You shouldn't have to get used to your family being sick. It's not fair. And I'm done being "used to it." I'm done seeing my family in the hospital. Why can't we all just be healthy like Nikki's family? Why can't I be used to seeing people at family get-togethers instead of hearing "oh she wasn't too well, that's why she's not here."
I'm tired of my family missing everything and each other because they're too sick. It's not right. It's not fair. It's not something I want to live with anymore.
Unfortunately in this case, the agency is not mine. I don't know what to do anymore.


Really? - Is that how its going to be?

I don't know what's going on. I guess i'm just not all that easy a person to get along with these days. It seems like everywhere I turn people are jumping down my throat. Of course the only person who might really be reading this is NOT who i'm talking about. Sorry by the way. I was rude and I apologize.
But I get home from having a pretty good time aside from the fact that my best friend wasn't talking to me. And I have this totally awesome message from my sister. Pretty much saying, "Thanks for being a backstabber." EXCUSE ME?
For the record, I emailed him ONCE while he was on his mission becuase SHE wanted me to get to know him. It's not my fault that he emailed me back. And yes, he's home now and I still talk to him. So what?!! She's married now and she dumped him, not me. I'm not going to stop being friends with someone because they are an ex of someone I know. Friend, sister, mother, whoever! You broke up with him, not me! And your saying i'm being disrespectful? How dare you question my motives. I'm friends with him because he's friends with me. And i'm not going to kick him to the curb because you want me too. Sorry, that's just not how I roll.
And another thing, I recall her being friends with someone that she NEVER would have met, aside from going through my myspace list and adding whoever might have been the cutest. Do you think I appreciated that at all? NO! You have you own God-Damned friends leave mine alone!!!
So, by popular demand. I suppose I'll drop from the face of the earth. If someone happens to send a rescue sometime in the future, great. Until then?....Peace out homies.

What did I do this time? - It hurts when...

I don't appreciate people assuming things. My motives and/or feelings. They don't KNOW why I do what I do and I don't like it when they assume its for some stupid reason when its far from that. I've decided...aside from those in my ward for work reasons (which is the only thing I call them for anyway), I will no longer be in any sort of contact with certain people. I won't write them or call them or help them. If they are going to automatically assume that i'm calling for something dumb and they are going to ignore me and my messages...then i'm not going to ask them for help anymore. It's a good thing Nathan and Spencer answer their phone because nobody else will give me the time of day. I need a few more supplies that's all I ask...but I can't even get them to answer the phone when I want to offer them dinner. So you know what? Bugger off Jeffrey!


Sorry Homie - Please forgive

Okay, so I was a little angry with Elder Creer. But i'm good. I had them over for dinner tonight and we had a great talk. He has changed a lot but for the better. That's a good change, a great change.
I bore my testimony in church today. I needed that. During part I had said, "I don't know if i'm supposed to go on a mission or if that's what i'll end up doing." Creer's face was kinda funny when i said that. He freaked out. He was like, "what homie? since when? why?" When I finished what I was saying he felt better. haha.
I was challenged to get one more baptism before I leave...that's a little much! So we settled at a firm. We'll see what I can do. I know that if I pray for the chance and honestly strive to reach this goal that I will make it if it is God's will that it be so. I would love to have a firm before I leave. So would Elder Creer because that means he gets one more baptism before he goes home...haha. I'll share a baptism with him. I'm totally okay with that. Heck i've shared 'em with everyone else. I wouldn't want Creer to feel left out. haha.


SCREW THIS - we'll see if I ever do anything for them again.

So here's the deal. A long time ago when I was still graced with Elder Rasmussen's presence in Stockton, he had a companion named Elder Creer.

Elder Creer was only actually in Stockton for 6 days, until someone in Sacramento got into a car accident and he was given clean-up duty and was Emergency Transferred (ET'd) out of here. Well those six days were awesome. We fed them dinner at The Creamery, and it was really good. We saw them at church and I think a few other times. Over all it was fun.

Well, when he was ET'd, President Huff promised him that he would be coming back to Stockton before he went home. This being his last transfer, we knew he would be here.

While my Mom was on the phone to Elder Stirland talking about Easter Baskets, I was lucky to find out that he was serving in the YSA ward as a ZL with Elder Malley. I wanted to do something cool for him to welcome him back to the area, and seeing as I had previously made a bunch of the Elders shirts....it just seemed like the perfect thing to do.

So Nik and I made the shirt, a poster, and a plan. Tonight being his first night back in Stockton, it was the perfect time for a welcoming committee. So we took the shirt, in a cute little gift bag; the poster, and some window chalk. We headed out at about 10:15 pm. This way we would be there at right about lights out at 10:30.

When we get there we scope the place out a bit. First we put the bag and the poster on the front porch. Then head around to the back to wait so that we could write on the window.

We waited.......

and waited......

and waited. The effing mexican missionaries were still in their proselyting (pros) clothes. And one of them has been on the phone since we got there!

It is now 11:15. Elder Malley and Elder Creer had just barely gone to bed, and the other two had "bedtime" absolutely no where in any of their future plans. It was fricken unbelievable.

The really odd thing is that we weren't exactly being quiet. They didn't hear, see, or suspect a thing.

So we're fed up. We decided to screw the window chalk, we rang the doorbell, and booked it around the building. When we get to the back door again, NOBODY HAS ANSWERED THE DOOR YET!!!! The mexican mosy's on over and opens the door, still on the phone. He looks down at the bag, yells something back into the apt. then looks around outside a little bit. The jerk then proceeds to take the bag into the kitchen, leaving the door open. The bag is clearly marked for Elder Creer, he is not Elder Creer...BUT HE GOES THROUGH THE BAG ANYWAY!!!! After a few he goes back to the door and looks at the poster. Still on the phone, its now 11:34, he reads everything off to his special telephone friend. If they weren't the ZL's, let me tell you, I wouldn've called them to rat out the stupid phone hog!

He finally takes the poster off the door and takes it into the kitchen. Elder Malley and Creer are still in bed. After about 5 more minutes he closes the door. He goes into Nathan's bedroom to tell him what's going on. He comes back out and takes the bag and the poster into the bedroom.

Elder Creer is pretty lazy as he plainly showed us tonight, he barely sits up in his bed as he looks through the bag and reads the poster. A few minutes later and the lights are off, Elder Creer and his companion are back in bed. (separate beds mind you!) And the stupid mexican missionary, STILL in his pros, goes and lounges his butt on the couch while he chats on the phone...wayyyy past his bedtime.

I have to say i've had some pretty lame experiences with the missionaries. But this one trump's them all. Hate is a strong word...but i'm feeling it for the mexican missionaries right now! We'll see if I ever do anything for them, EVER again!

No Time for You - Busy, Busy, Busy!

As you can plainly see, the clock is running out. When I look at the calendar I still have plenty of time right? Then why does it feel like i'm getting down to the wire? I feel like I just don't have enough minutes in the day. Even right now, I should either be studying or sleeping. It just feels like sooner or later, its all going to cave in. Then my oxygen will run out and then where will I be? Stuck where no one can hear me scream. I need help but I don't know where to turn, or who to ask. I guess its true even more than most days. All we can do is pray.


Happy Easter - Remember

Everyone be sure to have a very Happy Easter! Spend time with your family and have a blast. Remember why we celebrate this day. Jesus Christ suffered in the Garden of Gethsemane and died on the Hill Calvary for us, because he loves each and every one of us so much. Take the time to thank Him, even if its just a short prayer in you heart. Make sure He knows that you are grateful for what he's done for you. Also, take the time to serve another. No matter how big or small, service is a Christlike attribute that we all must strive for.
I love you all!


OVERWHELMED - When it all comes crashing down

Long days at work paired with auto shops closed after five linked to registration and insurance being due makes for a hell of a hard time getting your car fixed and having the money for any of the above. Aside from gas prices cars really aren't all that expensive until they totally break down. Maybe that's how those mechanics make all that money is by closing at 5. Because of their hours you put off getting your car fixed until the hole is too deep and you have no choice but to take a day off work. This sucks.

Then we've got all those other bills we have to pay for. Credit cards, phone, dental, medical, rent, etc. I don't have any medical insurance so my bills are 3 times what most others medical bills cost. Since my employer doesn't provide medical its probably worth it to get it myself but I can't afford that because i'm paying off my medical bills. Catch 22.
I don't get any funds or a reimbursement for moving for my work so I also have to come up with gas money to drive across 3 states.

Remember when you wanted to be an adult. How you thought it was so cool to be able to do anything you wanted. Well they didn't tell us that you have to pay out your ear for it. Thanks for the info parents.

Responsibility is not all its cracked up to be. Especially when, due to uncontrollable circumstances, you are thrown into it at the early age of 11. Cooking, cleaning, changing diapers on twins while making sure that the boy is entertained and the other 3 finish their homework and chores. All the while you have to go out of your way, for the safety of the family, to make sure your dad doesn't get pissed off. You have to take care of your mother who has cancer and can't do anything but lay in bed. AND, you have to get your own homework and chores finished.

If nothing else, it was quite a learning experience. It got me where I am today and i'm happy with that. And those experiences will stick with me my whole life. They will help me with a lot, the most important being...I don't want my children to go through the same things that I did at such an early age. I want them to be responsible but there are other ways of teaching them that responsibility.

I know my parents didn't do it on purpose. I'm not stupid things just happen. But now that i've been throught that, I know the things I need to do to avoid those situations...for the most part anyway. I mean I HOPE that I don't get cancer, but if it happens i'm sure my husband and I will be able to handle it. Being through it from my point of view, it may be easier for me to help my kids through it.

Over all, responsibility sucks! But we all get stuck with it...so make the most of it. And change your auto shop hours so that you're open AFTER people get out of work.


Softball - Hi, i'm your....coach?

Last year at Southern Virginia University I played third base for the Knights softball team. We had a pretty bad year (due to the fact that most of our players had no softball experience) but it was the time of my life.
Coach Smith left me on the bench most of the season until our last game when, for reasons unknown, Kimberly refused to play. I was up, as confident as ever. Not one ball went by me. After the game I was asked by Coach, "Where was that all season?"
Of course I had to answer with the obvious, "On the bench."
I was a little TO'd that he had hardly played me all year, but every minute was worth it.

We just recently moved into a new ward in our stake and our Visiting Teacher Kristin was over immediately. We talked a bit about softball and she told me that her husband coaches. "I would love to help coach a team I think that would be so much fun!"
Well the next Sunday my Mom actually talked to Joey. "I would love to have someone with her experience help me coach!"
I started yesterday just kind of assisting with the pitchers and catchers practice. Today was the whole team practice and it was time for me to, "step up to the plate." I was doing my best to give the girls tips, keep them motivated and beat the lazy out of them. No, no, I'm just kidding about the beating them part. I'm sure they'll deserve it later though.
Haha, no, I love these girls. They are all really good at what they do, they just need a fire lit under them. I'll only be here for another month, but I will do my best to get them motivated for the season.
I'm already sore, which in "Holly" means that I'm already having a total blast!

WOW - Uhm, I really am leaving!

I'm sorry last nights post was so brief. But I was really excited, you know shaking couldn't walk, couldn't evan talk kind of excited. And then it started sinking in. And all I could think was, "How am I supposed to move out of state in one month?...BY MYSELF!" I've done it before....kind of...but something about this seems different. Oh wait, EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS IS DIFFERENT! I'm moving for a job, not school. And I am officially the only adult supervision I will have. Not that that's a bad thing at all its just...surreal.
Yes, technically I've been an adult for the past 3 years but if you know anything about me and my family...let me just put it this way. My Mom will let me get away with acting like a child. But I can't do that anymore. That fact actually makes me really, happy!
I am going to miss my family, and my friends so much. But my favorite part of all of this is that they support me. They know that its the best thing for me, and for them...otherwise it would not be happening.
So, I have one month to pay two months worth of bills. I have to get my car a tune-up, a full-size spare, insurance, and registration. I have to buy the essentials like shampoo, conditioner, cotton swabs...etc. (ooh, i need rubbing alcohol) And I have to pay for gas out there, food, and at least 2 weeks worth of whatever I need when I get there. Whoa! (I hope this Jordan thing really pays off.)
The point is, I am happy to be making the next step in life. It's going to be tough, but I know that I can do this. I guess i'm just asking you to 'know it' with me.


I'M MOVING - Peace out skillet!

I GOT THE JOB!!! I have to be in Colorado on April 26th. Wish me luck.

How do you feel about Colorado Springs? - APX

If you know anything about a Mormon Singles Ward...then you know about the Security Boys. Every summer, every Singles ward has 10-20 new boys from out of town. They work for security, pest control, and sattelite companies. They're usually all returned missionaries (RM's). And they do pretty much the same thing that they previously did on their missions, but instead wearing white shirts and ties and spreading the Gospel... they wear polo shirts and shorts and sell security systems.

I want to have this job.

I've met a few of these guys in the past. And my cousin's ex works for Apex Alarms as a hiring manager. My brother-in-law is going down to San Antonio this summer to sell. So I should have some pull into getting a job for them right? Wrong! Apparently no matter how many people you know at Apex you still gotta do it yourself. So I did.
Last Friday I went onto Google to find information about Apex. The website gave me a bit of information and the opportunity to turn in a resume. So I did. This is what my email looked like...besides the attachment of my resume.

"To whom it may concern:

Although my recent job history lacks sales experience I want to stress to you that I am capable of anything you place before me. I know the physical and mental demands this job requires and I am willing and able to reach if not exceed those demands. I would love the opportunity to work selling door to door. I am ready for any and all challenges such a career might bring to my life. Please consider my application as more than just a request for a job, but a request for a new beginning. I meet all the requirements listed on your website for the job and I know that I can bring more to your company. Thank you for taking the time to consider me as an employee.

Holly J. Sommerville"

Because I sent the email late Friday night, I wasn't expecting any feedback until sometime this week. Well much to my glad surprise I recieved an email this morning from a guy named Mark.

"Holly,I read your email. I am a sales manager for apx alarm, my name is mark bench. Please call me when you get this ###-###-####. I'm interested in sitting down with you and discussing your potential career at apx. Thank you"

I could not hold back a smile. I got butterflies and the chills and I was shaking all at the same time. I was so excited that my resume triggered a response so quickly.
I finished up work at Jordan's and then I left to get the kids. I got out of Jordan's pretty early and didn't want to waste gas...so I just went straight over to the kids school. I could wait for an hour no problem.
While I was waiting I decided to call Mark. He answered and immediately started asking me a bunch of questions. "Where are you from? How old are you? Are you single? Would you have any concerns with moving?" Stockton, California, 20, yes, and you can move me ANYWHERE! I have no problems with moving.

He asked me how I heard about Apex and he continued to give me some more information about the company, the pay-scale, and why he is taking his crew to Colorado Springs. My first thought was, "Colorado Springs!!! Yess...so long as it isn't Stockton." My second thought, "I just hope my Dad and Sheri don't know that I'm there." My third, "This guy sounds like he's already made up his mind, AND I'M HIRED!!!"

He was telling me how he was "intrigued" by my email and I sounded really driven. "I need some one like you."

He also told me that this is the hardest job I could ever have. "I need one of those," I said.

He's going to email more information later tonight and wants to talk to me a bit more. He said, "I think in order to get you your trainging I may have to fly out there for a weekend but we'll take care of it." Does that sound like a, "When can you start?" to anyone else?

I am so excited. I need this so much. Pray for me!


Its War!! - Don't ever play pranks on the missionaries!

Okay, so I know that I just posted earlier today, but I had a request for the story of my prank war with the missionaries. Not the best idea I ever had.
One Wednesday night we were having Elder Bryce Barron and his companion Elder Tate Hansen over for dinner and a discussion with Ashley Lowe.
They showed up early so, Ash and I were kind enough to allow them to wash our cars!
They did such a good job that we had to thank them somehow. So we did, after they went to bed we thanked them...all over their car!

The window chalk is water proof so they had to rub it off I guess. Apparently it took them an hour and a half to get it all off. And poor Elder Baby Hansen got a blister. Boo-fricken-hoo!

The next day I didn't get my usual morning phone call from Bryce so I knew that it was becuase they were plotting against me. At about 10:30 am, right after I finished telling her the whole story, my Mom gets a call from their apartment. She answers it cautiously. "Hello?"
"Hello ma'am. This is Elder Huckvale, I'm an assistant up here in Sacramento. Is there a Holly Sommerville available ma'am?" My mom instantly started shaking.
"Yes there is, one moment please." She pulls the phone from her ear and covers the reciever. "HOLLY YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE! It's one of the assistants! He wants to speak with you." She was totally freaking out.
I wasn't buying it for a minute. "Hello? This is Holly."
"Yes, Holly Sommerville? This is Elder Huckvale. It seems that we have a problem." Oh boy, here we go! "I have Elders' Barron and Hansen here in the office with me," Bull! The caller id said it was their apartment and they hadn't gotten cell phones yet...but i'll play along, "Were these two Elders at your home last night?"
"Yes they were. We had a dinner appointment with them, and then they were teaching a discussion. What's the problem?" I totally recognize the voice but it's not Hansen or Barron...who is it?
"I understand that the investigator they were teaching is also a girl?"
What kind of question is that? "Yes she is...so?"
"Holly, was there a chaperone with you last night? We understand that there may be some inappropriate things going on between you and one of these Elders,"
I just realized, it's Elder Hiatt, Hansen and Barron's roommate. I'd never met him in person but I had talked to him a few times. "Yah, my dad was here...and so was the rest of the family." Oh man, he's really trying.
"Was the chaperone actually IN the home?"
"He was in the room! Elder, I don't see what the problem could be. I promise nothing inappropriate was happening. That's gross, if I wanted a missionary I'd find a cuter one than either of those two!" At this point I can hear giggling in the background and Elder Hiatt is also trying not to laugh. My Mom is totally freaking out. I had her going the whole time. Bonus points for pranking my Mom too!
After straining to regain his composure Hiatt continues, "So then what happened to the car? We understand that there may have been some damage done to it?"
Hahaha, damage. You're so clever. "Well I wouldn't call it damage. Unless the 'Princess' line damaged Barron's ego!" Hiatt's really laughing now. "Elder Hiatt you're going to have to try harder if you want to fool me!"
"Oh, man...how'd you know it was me?" I only talk to the kid on the phone every night and he thinks I wouldn't recognize his voice? What a fool! "Come on Elder Hiatt, really? You called from the apartment and expect me to believe that you are in Sac? You're really bad at this."
"Well we had to get you back somehow."
"Try harder!" And I hung up the phone. My Mom was totally confused and she was raging when I explained it to her.
Well that was fun, I thought it was over...thought they'd given up and I had won. I thought too soon. Never underestimate the power of the missionaries.
The next morning was Saturday. I was planning to sleep in for a very long time. My plans came to a screeching halt when I was awakened by my sister Courtney. "Holly, what did you do to your car?"
What!? It was too early for this.... I got out of bed and dragged myself outside. Lo and behold...

Yes. They put chocolate syrup and cookies all over my car! "Don't play with fire?" Yah, except too bad they spelled 'chastity' wrong. Okay, it's official...ITS ON!
Monday night it was Courtney, Candace and me. This was more of a 'just for fun'...as opposed to a 'revenge' kind of thing. We made posters that said "Tag, you're it!" We put that on their door and hung little fake missionary tags all over the place. We also put dish soap all over their car windows so that when they tried to rinse it off it just lathered up. Oh...and I put the cookies and the chocolate syrup bottle, that they left on my lawn, on their doormat.
The plan was doorbell ditch. Candace wouldn't do it and I was driving so Court was up. We pulled around the corner where we could still see their front door and Court made her way up the stairs. Now, while we were 'decorating' their front door their lights were still on. We could've been caught at any moment. But soon the lights went out, right before Courtney rang the doorbell. "Ding-dong," she made a dash for it. The lights went on in a second and three out of the four missionaries were out the door. Mission accomplished, except there was one problem...COURTNEY RAN THE WRONG WAY! Now she was stuck in the back of the complex hiding behind the dumpster! I freaked out, I didn't know what to do. I couldn't go get her, I couldn't even communicate with her or we all would've been busted. So I just stood there watching, and waiting.
Barron and Hiatt were looking everywhere for the culprit. And Hansen was using a small Halloween bucket to rinse the soap off the windows. As I just sat, and waited.
After a few minutes Hiatt and Barron were back at the top of the stairs. Just standing there chatting, while Hansen continued to wash the car. I had no idea what I was supposed to do. I was about to go confess when suddenly I saw Courtney peeking aroung the corner. She was trying to figure a way out but I just told her to go hide. We'd wait for them to go inside and then I'd go save her.
As Courney tucked herself back into the corner, the missionaries all went inside. The soap would have to come off tomorrow. "Ok," I thought, "in a few more minutes, they'll be sound asleep and I can go rescue Courtney."
Wrong again. All of a sudden the three Elder's ran outside and came sprinting down the stairs running in seperate directions. It was an ambush! They figured someone still had to be back there and they were going to find her.
I heard a scream, then a little bit of argueing, and someone saying, "hold her right there!" Elder Hansen came around the corner, picked up his candy bucket and filled it with water. As he turned back I heard some yelling and then I heard loud footsteps. Courtney bolted. She came running around the corner faster than a speeding bullet and she was soaked.
They made a feeble attempt to run after her but soon gave up as we honked back to them and drove out of sight. Courtney was the hero! And for her, I had to get them back...one last time!
This one had to wait. It couldn't be the next night or even the next two nights. They would be expecting that. But more importantly, my Mom could not find out. They had recruited her to call them with a warning whenever we were on our way. This attack had to be totally confidential. But in order to pull it off, I needed one more recruit. Laurie Ponce.
It was perfect! Every tuesday night the missionaries had dinner at the Ponce's house. They would never expect us to strike in broad daylight. All Laurie had to do was keep them away from the front window. And to my surprise, she agreed!
Tuesday 5:35 pm, Laurie texted me. "They're all here. We are just sitting down. Get in and get out FAST!" We were off. Chocolate syrup, crushed nuts, honey, marshmallows, and whipped cream, all over! Best of all. They weren't the only Elder's there! Elder Chavez and Elder Gregory were also there. And Elder Chavez was a homophobe! So for him...a rainbow, gay symbols, and a ton of San Francisco reference's. I only wish I had pictures of the damage....or more importantly...pictures of their faces when they saw it! VICTORY!
Sister Ponce, however impressed she was, was regretful. She had told the missionaries that it needed to end and called me and told me the same, and that she never should have agreed to help me. I was totally bummed. We won but I felt so crappy. I wrote apology notes to all of the Elders. And it was over.
That night I recieved a call from Elder Chavez, "Hey Holly, how you doin?"
He told me what had happened on his end and how Sister Ponce had asked them to end it and they agreed, with fingers crossed. Barron had told Chavez from the beginning what was going on and Chavez was stoked to help him out. He said that he was so excited that I pulled him into the game too. He said he felt like it was an invitation to have fun with us and he loved it. They were going to make it a "Zone Activity" to get me back! If you thought I was bummed before, this took the cake.
After a long chat Chavez and I came to the conclusion that Laurie was right, it was fun while it lasted but it needed to end. We had decided it was a draw and that it was over.
I had the time of my life and I will never forget my prank war with the missionaries. And Courtney is still my hero for taking the bucket on that cold night in Stockton.

$10,000 - Funds for a Mission

Okay, so for a Sister, a mission costs between 8 and 10 thousand dollars. Which equals out to about 400 dollars a month, give or take. I don't have 8-10 thousand dollars. The money is supposed to come from 3 resources. First; the prospective missionary, second; the family, and third; the Church...in that order. Money is always the problem.
Unfortunately I don't have a job right now, which really SUCKS because I need to pay my bills. You see, in order to serve a mission you can't have any debt...I have about 4 G's worth of it. Nothing campared to some people but i'm 20 years old. I shouldn't have any debt. Anyway, I've been working on getting these things paid for but then I got laid off last month. So, as you can see I have a little bit of a situation.

* * * *

The first time I met with Bishop Doughty, after speaking with my parents, we had decided that I needed to pay off my bills, my Mom would pay $200 a month and my Dad would pay $200 a month. Sounds great. However, it doesn't look like my Dad is going to be helping me out with anything, anytime soon. And there is NO WAY that my Mom can afford even the $200 let alone $400.
You see where my problem is? I've already had to put it off for 8 months. And now Bishop tells me that I may have to put it off for another year after that! This seems so unfair. I understand that sometimes these things happen. And I'm ready for the challenge. And if I absolutely have to wait I will but...it just sucks is all.
Recently I turned in an application to work for Apex Security Company. My cousin's ex is a hiring manager for them and he's trying to help me out a bit. I hear you can make a lot of money doing this type of sale. Someone my sister knows made about 53 grand in one summer. And then some girl Nikki knows made almost a million dollars in just 3 short months. Now I'm not expecting to make nearly that much. But I know that if they just give me a chance that i can make at least enough to pay of my bills and maybe a third of my mission.
I really need this job. And I'll do whatever it takes to get it. That's how badly I want to go on a mission. I'll do whatever I can to make the money that I need. Provided that its legal! No matter what the challenge I'll step up to the plate and come out swinging.
I kind of have a job...its only $8 and hour but its full-time. The problem is this guy practically wants me to run his business...I can be a great employee but i'm not necessarily CEO material. But like I said, I'll come out swinging. I'm taking this job and I'll do my best but I am just PRAYING that Apex gives me a call. That would make my life.


Nick - The Whole Story

Nicholas Goodwin was my 3rd baptism. That's right, I said MY baptism. Out of 4 there is 1 - Ashley Lowe; and old friend from high school, 2 - Christian Rios; Nick's little brother, 3 - Nick, and 4 - Mandy Pendegraft; one of Courtney's friends from high school. We met Christian thru Nick...but Christian got baptized first.
One very cold, very dark Sunday night, I was on a 'Blitz Armada' with the missionaries. We were working in the Lincoln Ward area for the Sister Missionaries; Sister Tilby and Sister Fuapau.
I was paired up with Sister Fuapau and we were only a few blocks away from the church. We walked up and down those streets knocking on door after door getting nowhere. It was about time for us to turn in but we had one more street and we decided we weren't giving up yet.
We saw a kid walking across the street from us so we went over to GQ him. He was 18 years old...singles ward territory, and said that he was Athiest but he was interested in learning about any religion, so we gave him a pamphlet...and just so that he could see we were normal people, invited him to a P-day BBQ we were having the next day at my cousin Nikki's house.
The first day I met Nick he was totally Goth, dressed all in grungy black and he was smoking a cigarette. He came to the BBQ and pretty much told everyone there that he was just looking for something to do and would never be any more interested in the church. But I wasn't giving up just yet.
When I asked Elder Rasmussen (Zone leader and in the Singles ward) if he was going to set up a teaching appointment he just said, "I'm not going to waste my time, you heard what he said." I told him how I felt, I thought that it was worth pursuing and I was mad that he was just going to let Nick walk away like that. So he gave me an assignment, "Holly," Elder Rasmussen said, "I want you to take Nick under your wing. He's your find, your teach, your baptism. I know you can do this."
OH MY HECK! That's a lot of responsibility, but it was a challenge I had to accept.
So I made short term goals that would eventually lead to the ultimate goal, baptism. Goal #1 - Fellowship. My cousins and I were going to the Corn Maze that Friday, so I called Nick and invited him. Just a friend, no pressure. In the car he was asking us a few questions about the Church so of course we answered him. We had a lot of fun at the Corn Maze and at the end of the night Nick was my last drop off. He saw a copy of The Book of Mormon that I always keep in my car and he wondered if I could give him a copy. Goal #2 - Teaching. So I grabbed the book and a pen, wrote down my testimony in the front cover and said, "it's yours." I committed him to reading at least the testimonies.
When I talked to him the next day he'd only read a couple pages but he agreed to come to church with me. Goal #3 - Attendance. He dressed in his usual drab and had his cigarettes with him. But he stayed for the full three hours and the baptism afterward. He said that he was a little impressed and he agreed to attend the Cottage Meeting the next Wenedsay. Goal #4 - Firm.
On the way to the Cottage Meeting, dressed in the same exact clothes he wore on Sunday, he was asking Nikki and me a few more questions about the church but we weren't getting very far. At the meeting he seemed pretty interested but when asked by Elder Abeyta if he had felt the spirit his direct quote was, "Yeah, I think I did. But to be honest with you, I don't care." My goals were not met. I was absolutely crushed.
However, with very little enthusiasm, I called him on Saturday to invite him to church...his phone was shut off. That's it, he was gone. Elder Rasmussen and Elder Dipo were very understanding. They explained to me that this kind of thing happened a lot and there is just nothing we can do about it. I tried to move on.
The next week on Thursday, I recieved a call from a number I did not recognize. "Hello?"
"Holly! Hi, how are you?" I did not recognize the voice on the other end and I was a little freaked out.
"Who is this?" I snapped.
"It's me Nick. Nicholas Goodwin, I went to church with you and stuff." Total shock came over me!
"Oh, sorry. Hi, how are you?"
I was totally confused. He explained how his phone had been turned off and he'd been trying to remember my phone number for the whole week. He was very upset that he had not been to church the last week and explained the he wanted to attend regularly. He also said that he wanted to start meeting with the missionaries. As luck would have it, Elder's Dipo and Rasmussen were having dinner at my house the next day so I made plans to pick up Nick. When I told Elder Rasmussen that Nick would be there for his first discussion he was really impressed, "That's awesome Holly! How'd you swing that?"
All I could muster was an, "I don't know."
The next day I pulled up to Nick's house to pick him up. I didn't have to walk very far to the door, someone was sitting on the front porch. "Hi. Is Nicholas here?" I asked.
"Holly, its me!" I did not even recognize him. He was wearing much nicer, CLEANER, clothes than he had worn in the past. And he just had this charisma that wasn't there before. I felt like I was talking to a total stranger.
So we get back to my house, and while the Elders are teaching Nick I was cooking dinner. I was still trying to hear what they were saying and they weren't speaking very loudly. It seemed to be going okay, not too well, but not bad. I was barely listening when Nick said straight out, "I want to get baptized!" I dropped a pot on the kitchen floor. (good thing it was empty) I could see that the Elder's were trying to hold back their total surprise and as I picked up the pot, and my jaw, off of the kitchen floor and apologized for inturrupting, I could not hold back a smile. Somehow, obviously by no power of my own, this grungy kid I met on the street was asking us to help him recieve the Gospel. I will never forget that feeling.
Nick dropped smoking like a hot potatoe, but he had a little trouble with the drinking. Elder Rasmussen was transferred but Nick loved Elder Halabuk so it worked out. Elder Dipo, Elder Halibuk and myself met with Nick every night to make sure that he was doing okay. We took him on a blitz which he loved and decided that when the time was right he too wanted to serve a mission. And after a few set backs, and his little brothers own baptism, Nicholas Kyle Goodwin was finally baptized on December 16th, 2007. Success.
Unfortunately, I had to leave soon after for Colorado. I was gone for a few weeks and didn't talk to Nick much. I tried calling but he was out a lot with the missionaries. I wasn't too worried. I was only back in town for a month before I went to Colorado again for my sisters wedding. I didn't talk to Nick at all and last I heard he was drinking again. He doesn't return my calls and I've tried visiting. I'm not sure what happened that made him fall away so soon. But it's hard to see a good friend go.
Despite my disagreements the missionaries assured me that it was nothing I did. "Sometimes this kind of thing happens. The important thing is what you gave him. Your friendship, your love and support, and most importantly, a special gift. The gift of the Holy Ghost. He will always have that, and someday he will see how important it is to him. Someday he will remember that he has a testimony. He will remember how it felt to be clean and forgiven. He will remember you Holly and what you gave him. And he will come back into the fold. Just keep him in your prayers and in your heart."
Nick was special to me. His journey to baptism strengthened my testimony so much and for that I will always be grateful. I love him with all my heart, he is such a dear friend. I hope that one day he does talk to me again. But whether or not I ever see him again, I have faith that he will be okay. That one day he will serve a mission, get married in the temple and live the righteous happy life I know that he is capable of, and he deserves that. He deserves all the love in the world. He has such a sweet heart and I pray for him often.
Please pray for my friend Nick. Maybe with all our prayers he will return soon to the gospel that I know, he knows is true.

Longing to Serve - I'm so Jealous

This morning I went to the baptism of a cute little girl named Chloe. She is 9 years old and her daddy finally let her gat baptized. Her grandma, Sis. Papworth, invited me to come to her baptism. I wouldn't miss it for the world!
I haven't been to a baptism since Nick. (I'll tell you about him some other time)
I was so excited to be there. And I felt the Spirit so much. It was awesome. Elder Edge was conducting and he gave the talk on baptism. I never met him before today but he was pretty awesome. He is a great speaker and I was very impressed with how well he welcomed the Spirit into the room for everyone.
Well after the baptism, while Chloe was changing the do a little "Missionary Moment", where a missionary speaks to the guest about the Fist Vision. I've heard it so many times and I will never get tired of it.
At one baptism awhile back when Elder Jeff Rasmussen was a Zone Leader in Stockton he asked me to give the presentation. I was so nervous and I could hardly breath...but then Jeff started making faces at me from the back. I laughed a little and it totally helped me relax. From then on it was all good. I loved giving the First Vision and now everytime I hear it I get jealous.
Today Elder McCalvy gave the presentation. He was so nervous, the poor guy, but he did awesome. The whole time I just wished that I was up there giving it. I love how it just brings the Spirit into the room for everyone. And I can't wait until i'm on my mission and I get to teach everyone that I meet about the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.


The road to "Sister"hood - How it all began.

I spent 5 months in a small town in Virginia attending Southern Virginia University. My major was Theater...with no idea where that would take me I just answered, "because I like the theater?" I came home to Stockton and I knew that I could not afford to go back to school but I was only half way devastated.


My parents had become pretty chummy with the Elder's in our ward and they were over for dinner every Wednesday night....and every other day when they'd stop by...oh, just because. We only had Elder Smith for about two weeks since I'd been home and then it was transfer time.

Elder Woodward was going on and on about who his new companion was going to be, "this really tall dude with a really long name, Rasputin or something." The very next day being Wednesday, we were supposed to feed the Elder's dinner. I was in charge and I was making Lasagna.
We were running a little late and when we got home the missionaries were already there. Dinner was great. Elder Rasmussen asked me the normal question a Mormon girl gets at my age, "Have you thought about serving a mission?"...and I gave him my normal answer, "not really, no."
He went on about how much he loved serving and just telling cool stories from his 8 months so far. For some reason he really got me excited about missionary work and I really wanted to help some how.
Now I wasn't necessarily thinking about serving my own mission...I was only 19 and had plenty of time to think about it for a girl. But something about his attitude towards missionary work just made me want to help, in any way possible.
He made me think. I soon realized that I really DIDN'T have all that much time! Preparing for a mission takes awhile and I would be 20 in six weeks! So, I did what any Mormon should do in such a sticky situation...I prayed about it. I helped them as much as a could, took reading assignments from them, and genuinely prayed about it.


I woke up the morning of my twentieth birthday, and I knew that I wanted to go on a mission. To my mom this came as a bit of a shock seeing as, I didn't even tell anyone that I was thinking about it. It came to me as a shock too.
The Elder's were so excited for me, and eager to help in any way possible. My family didn't really believe me or think that I was capable of such a thing. But no matter what anyone else thought...it was on. Preparation began.
I started going to appointments with the missionaries. I put myself on their schedule, studied hard, attended all my meetings...sometimes twice a week! I was really going for it.


I finally found a job. And I had talked to my Bishop about my papers. My goal was April 2nd, 2008. 90 days before my twenty-first birthday.

* * * *


Things have been really tough. My eagerness to serve has been a rollercoaster since day 1. My activity with the missionaries has been the same. And my goal has been pushed back to October.
But all in all, I still want to serve a mission for the Church.