As most of you probably don't know i've been struggling a lot lately. I lost my job. I miss home. My roommates and I aren't getting along too incredibly well. I haven't been going to church. A whole heck of a lot.
The other day I was talking with my roommate Samantha about...what else...boys. We were discussing what we wanted out of guys and how it shouldn't seem too difficult, but we really are very confusing. The thing I kept coming back to was Temple Marraige. And that made me think, of course, of all the things that come with that but more importantly, lead up to it. None of which I was doing. I realized just then what I was doing to myself and my dreams by being stupid now.
Yesterday I started writing another song called Inside of Me. It talks about getting back the Faith and the Testimony that I once had. It tells how I want all these wonderful things that we are promised by living His commandments, but how I don't exactly know how to get back on the Straight and Narrow. Writing some of these words made me realize even more of what I am missing out on.
Ever since I was sealed to my family in the Salt Lake Temple I've wanted this. And I guess I just lost sight of that. I want to get back so badly I just don't know what steps to take. Where to begin. Who to turn to. Then I found a scripture that a missionary once gave me, D&C 121:7-8 part of which says, "Thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment." It made me think of Joseph Smith. All the things he went through and dealt with. Those things being very similar to a lot of what Jesus Christ also went through. The faith and the courage that they both had to do everything that they did for us. It is incredible. It is something I only wish that I could have.
I thought about Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. About Joseph in the Sacred Grove. How they both knelt and prayed to Heavenly Father in their time of need. Two of the most important prayers ever spoken. The rest of which are the ones we say everyday. Thanking our Heavenly Father and going to him in our times of need. The ones that I haven't said in a very long time. I decided that I would do as they did and turn to Heavenly Father for help. I will start with my Bishop. I will tell him what i've done, what I want, and what I'm willing to do to get it, which is everything I know that I must do. Everything that I promised, on my baptism day, that I would do. Everything that they did, and that is first to have the Faith.
It will not be easy. I know this, i've lived it. But if I truly want for myself what my Father in Heaven wants for me. Then I know what I must do.
I ask for your prayers as I turn my eyes up towards the Tree of Life. As I once again try to find the Iron Rod. As I look for "the faith that I need."
This is the beginning. And if I do that which He hath commanded. I know that it will not be the end.