"Find the Good in Everything"

Being poor has its perks I'm sure. I just don't know what they are yet. I'm trying to live by the phrase, "find the good in everything." So far though, I don't think I'm doing too well. I was having so much fun...and I'm still having fun but, I think I've somehow driven myself into this mental "ditch". I didn't even see it there. And I don't know how to get out of it. I want to ask some people for help. I'm not afraid they'll say "no". Actually, I can pretty much guarantee that they will all say "yes". But then, I'm going to have to accept their help. That's the hard part, for me at least.
I think that I'm pulling back into my shell. That is not a good place to be. Let me re-phrase, that is the worst place to be. I've made a pretty good friend, but I can already tell that she's getting annoyed because I'm building that wall back up. Somebody please, knock it down! Then call off construction because I am absolutely sick of doing this to myself. Except I don't know how to stop anymore. I've been living in this pattern for so long it's become an addiction. And I can only go so long without a fix. I need intervention but I don't know who or where to get it from! And I honestly don't know if anyone cares about me enough to do so.
No, its not a pity party. I'm being serious. If it were a drug or something they would totally intervene and help me out. But this, I just annoy people with it and they don't want to be around me at all. And, "out of sight, out of mind". That's pretty much how I exist in this world. If you're not around me chances are you are not thinking about me. And I'm okay with that but, I just want that person. That one friend who calls me first. Who invites me out to lunch because they missed me. For 20 years and 362 days I haven't ever had one of those. I'd like to think that I've been waiting patiently. Well, is it my turn yet?
I'm trying to "find the good in everything", I'm just not very good at it yet.

Torn

I have two jobs...or so I thought. I haven't been working at Sears like, at all. I keep trying to get ahold of my manager there but if I call she's never available and when I go in she's never there. I don't know what exactly I should do. I guess I'll just keep going in for my computer training and catch her when I can. I don't want to quit. I like it there...so far. And no matter how many hours I get at APX I still need the Sears job too. I'm not sure what to do. My hope was that I'd be working 9 to 5 at Sears and then my 630pm to 1230 at APX. So far the only one that's pulling through is APX. And some really good news about that, next Saturday is an opportunity for some major overtime! Some people are trying to work from open to close that Saturday. That means 6am to 2am. I am definitely one of those people. Time and a half is my favorite! That's $15 an hour for 12 hours of work! I will take any and all hours that I can get at APX. I don't want to completely shut out Sears. I want to work there too. But $15 an hour! You can't beat that. I'm leaving in just a few, today. I want to go get some hours in at Sears. It'll just be computer training. But maybe i'll get lucky and Heather will be there so that I can talk to her about a schedule. Maybe I'll be able to go in tomorrow from 9 to 5. And then I'll do my normal shift at APX. It'll be one Grand Full Work Day! That's exactly what i'm looking for. Then I can go in Friday from 9 to 5 also. And Saturday from 5 to 9. Since my Saturday shift at APX is from 830am to 300pm. And then I can work a full shift on Sunday. And be back to my 9 to 5 everyday next week! I really hope that Heather is there today! I really really need these hours. I didn't apply so that I could get one $10 check and then be done. I applied so that I can work. I need to be able to work. I really need those paychecks.

I Screwed Up!!

Ugh...I've been doing so fricken well with my training and taking calls and everything and today....I SCREWED UP BIG TIME! I was on a tech call and like an idiot...I forgot to take the payment! So basically I hooked up the person because they didn't make their first payment...but I screwed the Rep because now they are losing extra points cause I had to set it up on Direct Invoice. Ach Mi Laben!

Employment and car troubles often go hand in hand.

At least for me they do. And all I can think is, "at least now I have a job so that I can fix the car troubles." Optimism is key.
So, I got both of the jobs that I wanted. The shifts didn't exactly work out the way that I planned but one step at a time. I started Sears today. I start APX on Tuesday. I'm going to be working at Sears in the morning shifts and then at APX from 6:15 pm to midnight. At least its not till 2 am right? You see, optimism.
I'm actually really excited. My training for both jobs is this coming week. Sears I can pretty much go in whenever just for my computer training and just keep going until it is finished and I start on the floor on Friday. APX, I have training Tuesday through Thursday from 11 am to 7 pm. And then I'm on the phones on Saturday from 8:30 am until 3pm. So I have a busy week ahead of me. Well here's some more good news. Maybe I will be tired enough to fall asleep before 4 am....or at all!

* * * * *

Today I went on this hike with Hailey this morning. We left at about 9:30 am. We hiked up to the G on the mountain. That is for Pleasant Grove High School. The hike was actually really difficult. Very steep. So its good that it was pretty short. It took us about two hours round trip, but that is only because I am friggin SLOW! But hey, I made it. And it was fun. We're going to try to do that twice a week. That'll be a good work out huh? Hopefully it really shrink my bottom...hehe. That is what I'm hoping for anyhow.


Well, more next time.

Feeling GREAT!!! - With no particular reason in mind.

This last week has been the best, in a really long time. I can't pin point what happened over the weekend to make me feel so optimistic, but I don't care. I feel liberated and the one thing that I want more than anything else in the world, is for the feeling to last forever. Now I'm twenty years old, I'm not ancient or anything, but I've lived plenty long enough to know that I should just enjoy it while it lasts. But I really don't think that I've ever felt this way before.
Along with my optimistic and all too fantastic week I've made some, quite possibly life altering, decisions. First, I completely forgot how much I love history. I haven't taken a history class since ninth grade but I love it. So I've decided that after my mission I definitely want to go to school for history. As much as I loved it in Virginia I think I would like to try and get accepted to BYU. I know that I will have to retake the ACT test and do some MAJOR studying in order to get an acceptable score. And I will probably have to take some summer or online courses before they accept me as a full-time student. I would like to try and get a dance or softball scholarship of some sorts also, to help me pay for the outlandishly priced tuition they charge. So i'll definitely have to work on that too. Visit the batting cages, take some classes and do my own practicing in my free time.
Second, I love running. While i'm no good at it and I can't really run for more than thirty seconds at a time, I absolutely positively love running. So i'm going to start. I'm doing a ten week "become a runner" training, that should have me running for thirty minutes by the end. I'm so ridiculously excited for it. The training begins with eight days of walking and I started today, and I feel great!
Third, I really need to buckle down. I believe that I will very soon, be working two jobs. I need it and I am capable of it. Both are jobs that I know I will love so that part is easy. But I really need to 'work' on my work ethic. I am generally a very lazy person, so two jobs is going to be exhausting. But I need the money, and we all know that I need the kick in the pants. My hope is that APX will give me a full-time job with a steady schedule, and that I can work at Sears on the nights and weekends. I have confidence that APX will hire me for their call center, I just don't know how the schedule thing will work out. But I'm praying about all of it.
All of this liberation and planning and what not, is going to be overwhelming for sure. But I know that if I can keep a good attitude and I turn to the Lord, I will do great.

Job Hunt

So far its been going really well, aside from the fact that I still don't have a job. But i've gotten more interviews than I ever wouldn've gotten in Stockton! I had an interview today and it went REALLY WELL. I have a second interview on Tuesday. I also have an interview for another job on Tuesday! I'm still going throught the classifieds and doing applications on line and i'm compliling a list of places that take paper applications and i'll be going to those places on Monday.
Whew! It's a lot of work but it's got to get done. I'm crossing my fingers! I need work!