I've been thinking a lot about friendships. I usually have one or two close friends at a time and then something changes in one of our lives and that person is replaced by someone knew. It seems to usually be a smooth transition. No huge heart aches, just two people moving on. We kinda keep in touch here and there for awhile and it slowly dies off and eventually we're left wondering, "what ever happened to so-and-so?"
I don't mean to make it seem so in-personal. I love all of my friends. Those in my life now and those that have come and gone. Those that pop in from time to time. I don't mean to brag but I feel like I have a large capacity for remembering people. Sometimes I'll be on my knees and at random the face of an old friend will pop into my head. I usually just add a little tidbit into my prayers for that person, say amen and climb into bed. Sometimes, though, I remain on my knees and think of where/when we grew so far apart.
Recently, I have grown apart from one of the best people I've ever known in my life. Someone with whom I was especially close. She is incredibly smart and charming. She is an amazing writer! She also had a pretty remarkable re-activation to the church. She mentioned to me a few times that I was a big part of that and that I really helped her along the way. I try to think of what I may have done to help her and regretfully, I can't think of anything. I wasn't a good example in ...any way really. Mostly, I can only think of what she did to help me come back to church. Everybody has their own battles and for me this was particularly difficult. Now, I am no where near perfect but I've come a long way. I have my falls now and then but the thing that always helps me back up is remembering all the support she gave me. Every time I needed some advice, someone to talk to, even a kick in the pants she was there and she set me straight, and that means more to me than anything.
I think of her quite often and am sad that we no longer talk. Things happen everyday and she's the first person I wish I could call. Mostly I feel like I just want to call her and say Thank You. Thank you for always being there, for being strong for me, for standing up for me, and for calling me out when it was necessary. I am more grateful to have known you than you will probably ever know. Its really hard to think back and not have any idea what happened.
I know that sometimes people come into our lives only for a short while and its hard sometimes when they leave. But something I think i'm starting to realize...even though it may be sad when someone is no longer in our lives for whatever reason. I need to do better at focusing on the ones that are here now.
So this is it. I'm really going to try. I love all my friends so so so much. Its about time I showed it huh?
