I was different with them. I was calm, I was positive, I was happy. I wasn't scared of marriage or kids...or anything! Its amazing how just the daily example of a certain person (people) in your life can make such a profound difference. And it's shocking how quickly those fears and feelings come flooding back when that example leaves.
I almost feel like they were a drug...a pill I could take everyday that made my life so much better. I've become dependant on this drug. Its something that I needed constantly and after so long I would have to go back for another fix. But now I have no access, no dealer...no way to get ahold of the thing that I need (want) to be at my peak.
Now, I know that it is possible for me to be the best me..without it (them)...but it won't be easy. It's like a man trying to bulk up fast...but without the steroids. It seems almost impossible, it takes a lot more of your time. Its exhausting.
I have to have the faith, that I can do it without them. I have to do it for myself now, not for another person. I have to do what I know is right...not what they tell me is right. (not that it was ever wrong) It's just me this time.
And...I can do it.