My friends are everything to me. They are my lifeline. I want to be with them often. I want to talk to them. Everything I do or say is soaked with thoughts of them. Anything can and will remind me of them. No matter how long we may have been separated I think of them. I have many friends that I desperately wish to be reacquainted with.
I am very nostalgic. I remember silly little things that nobody else does. I love remember when’s and walks down memory lane. I hardly remember the bad times and I try to focus on the good. I can keep something so stupid and silly just because through some strange string of thought it reminds me of someone that I love.
I love movies. I will quote a movie way past its welcome. I can watch the same movie 3 times everyday for a month and not get tired of it. I like movies that nobody else has seen or heard of or will ever take the time to even consider watching. There are a lot of movies that I regret ever seeing but love them anyway, they are the ones I quote the most.
I am very forgetful but only when it’s important. You can tell me 8 times remind me 12 and even write me a little note but I will still forget. And I hate it that you keep reminding me.
I love having responsibility but I hate actually being responsible. I love it when people trust me but will crumble under the pressure.
I love boys. I will always choose boys over girls. I will always refer to them as boys and never as men. And when I’m around boys I will pretend like I know what I’m doing and what I’m talking about no matter how obvious it is that I have no clue. I always want to be better than the boys though we all know I never will. I love it when boys try to teach me things. I love trying to be “one of the guys” even though I’ll never make the cut. I love it when boys tease me. I love it when boys flirt with me. I love it when boys look out for me and stand up for me. I love it when boys compliment me. I love it when boys tell me that “I’m the man.” I love seeing boys get nervous. I love it when boys are honest. I love it when boys are shy. I love it when boys will do something for me simply because I asked them to. I love it when boys use alternative ways to tell me something they shouldn’t tell me. I love it when boys come to me for advice. I love it when boys give me advice. I love it when boys call me back. I love it when boys call me first. I love it when boys admit that something reminded them of me. I love it when boys give me nicknames, no matter how lame they may be. I love it when boys accept the nicknames that I give them. I love it when boys will call me just to say “Hi.” Every boy that I know, I have considered dating. Every boy that I am still friends with is no longer on my dating list. But every boy has the opportunity to get back on that list. If I call a boy once or twice I’m interested in him. If I call him more than that I just want to be friends. If I don’t call him it’s because I’m talking to a different boy. If I ignore his phone calls it’s because I’m talking to a girl about him.
If I don’t answer my phone, it’s because I don’t have it within reach of me. If I don’t call you back it’s because I forgot. If I don’t text you back it’s because I have nothing clever to say. If I don’t text you in the first place it’s because I’m busy.
If I ask you for help I really need it. If I offer you help it’s because I really need it.
I hate it when people assume that I have ulterior motives. I hate it when people tell me I can’t do something. I hate it when people tell me I should do something. I hate it when people compare me to others. I hate it when people think I’m lying. I hate it when people tell me I’m wrong. I hate it when I am wrong. I hate it when I’m right and people won’t believe me. I hate it when people dismiss my ideas without even considering them. I hate it when people ask me for my ideas then tell me that they are stupid.
I hate it when people tell me that I can’t do something just because I’m a girl. I also hate it when people expect me to do something or be a certain way just because I’m a girl.
I hate it when people tell me they will do something and then don’t follow through. I hate it when people ignore me because they know I want them to do something. I hate it when people think that I’m annoying when I’m trying to get something important taken care of.
I hate it when I tell a joke and people think I’m stupid. I hate it when people keep bringing it up when they don’t know why I said it in the first place. I hate it when people think I don’t understand because “I’m too young.” I hate it when people tell me “it’s an inside joke“, obviously it’s an inside joke or I would be laughing too…that’s why I asked you, dufus.
I hate it when people call me to only talk about them. I hate it when people call me to only talk about me. I hate it when people call me to only talk about him. I wish we could just find a happy medium.
I hate it when people assume that they are smarter than me…you probably are…but you don’t have to act like it. It makes you look like a cocky bastard.
But change is difficult. I'm excited, and there are so many good things that could happen [crossy fingers, knock on wood, and all that]. But its still change. I was barely settling in and now I have to leave.
The worst part is...well actually, the worst part is not important. I'm excited and happy about the decision....but i'm still nervous.
and by the way....i hate it when people think that they know what i'm thinking. Don't EVER question my motives about ANYTHING. Because chances are, you are wrong. Nobody but me knows what i'm thinking. So don't pretend that you do.
Since I got my first job at 14 years old, i have never been this poor. I was doing so well and then it all went down the drain. The thing is, I could get paid really well if I can just sell one a day. Just one, everyday. It's not that hard...unless you're me. I don't know what my problem is. I am trying, but i don't think that my manager believes that I am trying. And that is a bad thing. He needs to see production, obviously, in order to know that I am doing my job. ....sighs.... I really need to figure this out.
That morning was so hard. Of course I was crying because a friend died. But then I cried even harder because I felt like an idiot for crying. I didn't know him as well as anyone else and I didn't feel like I was allowed to cry for him. I was also crying for everyone in the office and for his family and friends. How must they feel for something like this to happen so suddenly. He wasn't a bad kid at all and alcohol took him.
Poor Cooper was an absolute wreck. He was already so stressed out. And then Jake went home because he felt guilty for what happened. Jake was so cool I can't believe that he went home. I can't believe that anything is happening the way it is.
Today I was talking to this lady who seemed really nice, and I totally had the sale....then she insulted me. I froze, I just couldn't believe someone could say something so horrible to another human being.
I'm so scatter brained right now. I keep trying to give people help and advice when really i'm the one who needs it.
Then I found out that a dear friend of mine has Polycystic Kidney Disease. She's in the early stages but this is a pretty serious disease that can cause Dialisis. She had already put off telling me for awhile so I'm glad she finally told me. But this was just...bad timing.
My Grandma is still doing pretty good but she keeps having more and more problems.
I just wish that there was something that I could do about it. I can't help anyone and I can't fix anything and its just making me mad.
I don't know what to do.
I'm 15 on the Top First Year Reps list for the Region! That's out of 40 reps I think....well i'm tied with like...15 people but..still! My name is on the list! That's all i'm asking for. Now I just gotta be on the list for the whole company. And not just Top First Year Rep....TOP REP. I know I can do it....just gotta work at it. And I definitely plan on it.
If you're reading this you know how my day went. Micah was a sweet kid. We'll miss him. Our first half of the day tomorrow, all of our sales and installs, we are donating the money to a charity for Micah's family. I don't care if I sell the rest of the day but I at least want 2 for him. It's going to be tough but I know I can do it. Espacially for someone else. I'm better at doing things for other people, than I am at doing things for myself. It's a curse. But i'm working on it. Haha, not that its bad to help other people, but I do need to leard to help myself first.
Keep prayin for me!
Colorado Springs, CO 80918